Each day my husband goes to work, my fear and anxiety exponentially increases. He’s on the frontlines of transporting COVID-19 patients to the hospital. He’s entering people’s homes, carrying patients to the ambulance, and in and out of ER’s. I have to face the facts. He’s around the virus. And if he hasn’t been around it yet, it’s only a matter of time before he will be. But more than likely, it’s already happened.
And then he comes home, to our home where I’m sheltering at home, only going out for groceries and walks to get fresh air. And I’m consistently sobered with the reality that more likely than not, my husband and I will get the virus.
And I’m terrified. All the time. I know that we are young and (for the most part) healthy so statistics say we’ll both bounce back and be fine. But I can’t shake the fear. More often than not I feel crippled into despair and hopelessness. I feel so alone. I feel like no one understands what it’s like to be the spouse of someone on the frontlines.
I talk to my friends and they’re sheltering back at home with their families, and I’m frustrated because I don’t have that luxury. Not unless I want to spend an extended time away from my spouse, which to be frank I’m just not willing to do. I want to be here. I want to be with Dan, supporting him and cheering him on.
But it means sacrifice. It means sacrificing the comfort of self-quarantining with my spouse. It means falling into an empty bed on the scariest days. It means not always receiving the best of my spouse because he’s giving his best to the ill, vulnerable, and hurting. It means having to wait to watch the next Marvel movie in our marathon because I promised I’d watch it with him. It means lots of meals alone spent worrying about what he’s doing in that moment. It means waking up in the middle of the night and checking his location to make sure it seems like he’s safe.
And I just want you to know that you are not alone. Let me say that again because I need to hear it myself. You are not alone. We are not alone.
Every tear, every prayer, every scream — seen and known. Your ministry and support to your spouse is so needed and so good. Your sacrifice of your comfort and health is for the good of many. And although it’s hard, and although it’s scary, love, support, and encourage your spouse. They need you right now. Author: Allie Phalin Submitted from: https://lovesneverphalin.com/