Recording Isolation: Thoughts From A Stranger [Audio]
Below is a transcription of the audio attached to this document.
Transcription: [heavy breath]
"So... how do I do this? I do-I don't even know where to start. Uhm-"
[voice trembling] "Oh God. Oh God." "This quarantine has me really really fucked up. I don't even know if I can say fuck -- but I'm just gonna say it -- I'm gonna say it's fucked up because I-- am just locked in an entire apartment all day. I can't really go out anywhere. All the public areas are closed, like parks and whatnot. So, it's just a real-- shit situation that we're all in, but we're all in it together [laughs] I guess.
Uhm, yeah, I--.
I'm really really just sad. It's just -- that's the main thing -- it's just I'm really sad. I want to really understand how to better my situation. I have ADHD, so, my attention span has been thrown out the window. Being locked inside of a house all day with no schedule or anything to keep me on track. It's just been ruining my self-esteem, it's been ruining my psyche, it's just been ruining a lot of--a lot of emotional things for me and I need to know that this thing can't control me but this situation that we're put in doesn't really help it and -- luckily enough, I live with people that I assume care about me, that I assume are there for me if I need them, uhm, they're my roommates, you know? They're the people that I live with and they're pretty wonderful people. They make me laugh, they make me giggle. But, uhm, I'm just not my smiling face right now. And I wanna make sure that everyone else is able to smile during this process.
I don't know.
I--I've always been this sort of person, that has been the type of person to make everyone smile and make everyone laugh. But you know, who--who is supposed to make me smile? Who's supposed to make me laugh? Noone, no one's supposed to make you do anything. Noone, ya know? It's just -- I'm here for me but it's what I want to do in this world that really defines who I am. And I--I do things to distract myself like write scripts or record videos or play video games or watch TV but it's starting to become the point where it's just the same thing over.
AND OVER AGAIN.
And it's-- [stops]
[sniffs & heavy breathing]
I HATE it so much.
I just -- I want it to stop. And I just want -- I just want someone to -- to talk to about this. I just want -- I just want to go back to normal. But I know for a fact that nothings really gonna be normal after this.
I don't know what I'm gonna do for money.
I don't know what I'm gonna do for rent.
I don't know what I'm going to do for bills.
I don't know.
I. Don't. Know.
But -- I've made it this far in life and y'know -- I have made it through every worst moment in my life ever and this is no different. And if I can make it through this [laughs] - I can make it through just about any fucking thing life decides to throw at me.
So [deep breath]
Oh - that was a lot. I didn't even know I was going to cry during this but y'know - here I am. And uh--I honestly really avoided doing this because, I don't know, I just really did not want to talk about this kind of stuff cause I knew it was going to lead to and it was going to lead to strong emotions but, honestly, I'm glad that I got it out.
I'm glad that I put it out there for the world.
And, if I had to give advice to anybody else who is listening --
We're all in this together. And I know it's easier to say that than it is to understand it but, ya know, I've experienced more nice people in the world than I have experienced mean people in the world. And--I have been blessed with the things that I've been given and I hope the same for you and I really wish that--
I don't know
I don't know
I really wish that you make it out of this as well. And I really wish-- that you're doing okay. Cause you know, we're all struggling here.
Have a good day.